The Insult
I've been running this video store for a while now, and it never fails to amaze me how flippantly my customers will insult me to my face. Truthfully, I suspect most of them they have no idea they're doing it – but even if they did, I don't think they would change their behavior.
Before I explain, let me backtrack; I realize that video rental stores are ancient ancestors of a bygone age, and many of you may not be familiar with the specifics of the transactions I deal with on a daily basis. Here's a brief rundown: When one chooses to rent a movie, one pays a nominal fee – let's say $4 – to take home said movie for a predetermined amount of time – let's say 2 days. Should the movie not be returned within the predetermined amount time, the renter owes an additional $4 for every 2 days the movie stays out. Simple.
I've been in business for about six years. I could list from memory all the movies on the top shelf of the action section, and I can identify a movie from 50 feet away while seeing only the top left corner of the case. I know the phone numbers and addresses of all my regular customers by heart, and, at any given time, I know exactly how many movies I have rented out – and how many of them are late. Today it's 390/187.
The software I use keeps track of everything as well, but it's not like there's much to track: 1) Someone comes in, 2) they get a couple movies, and then later 3) they bring the movies back. Honestly, using a computer is overkill - I could track my sales with a crayon and construction paper.
Now then, on to the good part… Sometimes when a customer comes in, they have late fees. And when I ask them if they want to take care of these fees, sometimes they say this:
"Oh no, I returned those movies on time."
The pure chutzpah required to make this statement is staggering. Think about it:
First off, I must keep track of each one of my movies. If I am unable to do so, I will go out of business. Since I have been in business six years, I must have at least a passable ability to manage my inventory.
Secondly, I really don't care whether or not your movie is late. Whether it's you paying a late fee on the movie, or the guy behind you renting it, I still make the same $4.
Third, my computer agrees that your movie is late, and computers are rather good at keeping track of things.
So, in this situation, should we trust 1) the memory of one individual who has a vested interest in not paying the fee, or 2) the memory of a disinterested individual, who happens to agree with a nearby computer, and who has a six year track record of knowing what he's talking about?
At this point, some of you might be mistaking my tone for bitterness. You might be thinking I'm writing this piece to purge myself of negative emotion, lest I explode and spew toxic rejoinders all over an unsuspecting customer. I assure you this is not the case.
It is not anger that possesses me, but wide-eyed amazement. What floors me is not the silliness of the denial, but how deeply insulting it is when you analyze what would be required for the denial to be true - and there are only two possible scenarios:
Scenario 1: I made a mistake, and checked the movie out or in improperly. Well, this is why I've got a computer. The computer doesn't make mistakes, doesn't forget what day it is, and every movie goes through the computer coming in and going out. For me to make a mistake checking movies in and out, I would have to be either 1) giving movies out to people without receiving payment, or 2) letting returns stack up on the counter for a couple of days before checking them in. Either of these would be idiotic, meaning I am… wait for it… an idiot. Therefore, Scenario 1 = I'm stupid.
Scenario 2: I am misleading this person in an attempt to enrich myself. Call it a con, theft, whatever – the only other possible scenario is that I am intentionally lying to them about when their movie was returned in the hope of collecting an extra $4. Therefore, Scenario 2 = I'm a villain.
So, if the customer did in fact return his movies on time, and I'm trying to charge him extra, I'm either stupid or a villain. This is the accusation leveled against me every day – often multiple times. And it never fails to amaze me. These are people who I've known, who I've chatted with on a weekly basis, for over half a decade. I've seen them get married, have children, and bury parents. And they will say, with an earnest smile, that I am either stupid or a villain.
I suppose it is a simple truth of humanity – that all of us are ignorant of some things, and that our behavior will reflect that lack of knowledge. But you would think that the rosy fog of ignorance would not dull that one area of life with which we are all equally enamored – our own statements.
[Addendum]
As an afterthought, I’m adding a bit more.
It occurs to me that the primary reason people will argue against late fees is because they know I will more than likely back down and dismiss the fees. After all, what’s better – collecting a few extra bucks today, or having a customer for years? Obviously, option B.
It is possible that this knowledge alone – knowledge that the customer has the advantage in any situation where nominal fees over an often purchased commodity are being argued – is enough to convince a customer to press for removal of the fee. Moreover, such behavior is understandable – the customer may justify his demand by considering the amount of money he has spent in my establishment over time, and mentally comparing that large amount to this small fee. This could lead to mental fudging, where the customer convinces himself that the movie was returned on time – or even to outright dishonesty, still justified by the memory of how much he has spent patronizing my store.
Moreover, anyone who has spent any amount of time in my store knows I am not an idiot – and if you remember, there are only two scenarios where the customer’s claim of properly returned movies could be possible: either I am an idiot, or a thief. Thusly, if I’m not an idiot, I must be a thief.
And so we have a situation where the customer accuses me of thievery, by way of his claim that the movie was returned properly, while intentionally misremembering, misrepresenting, or in some other way stretching the truth in an effort to avoid paying me what he owes – in effect, making him the thief, and me the victim.
Ironic, no?